If I Stop to Think About it
by GuiltyRed
Summary: CHAP2 Uploaded 4-04-04 Jeep thinks on the four travellers. What would his perspective be? WIP thanks to reviews.
1. Their Butts

If I stop to think about it, I like Hakkai's butt the best. It's soft and narrow, and doesn't bounce around much. He's quiet, too, and takes the time to listen to me.  
  
He listens to the others, too. Never tries to inflame an argument, but fearless in pursuit of one engaged. His command of language is probably the best of the lot, too, unless you count swearing. That would be a toss-up between the rest of the group!  
  
Hakkai is, in many ways, a solitary creature. Maybe that's why I like him so much. Either that, or we were friends in a former life. (Kyuu! Kyuu!) Anyway...  
  
He is the calm one, the rational one, and yet, at the same time, the most dangerous one of us all. The calm is deceptive, you see. There is much going on just beneath the surface. And believe me, you don't want to know what it is.  
  
Next favorite would have to be Goku. He's small and light enough, though he's always moving. I guess his butt's okay, it's his feet that give me problems: standing on the upholstery, kicking, jumping around. But he's kind enough, and manages to sneak me some extra treats once in a while.  
  
Goku is probably the only one of us who has ever been innocent. He sees the world through fresh eyes, every day. When the others become weary or cynical, he's right there to shake them loose and wake them to his sunrise.  
  
Though he isn't human (neither is Hakkai, but it's easy to forget that; he's scarier with the limiter on!), Goku isn't really demon, either. He's...something Else, something Ancient. Something that confounds the very gods above, and has done so for 500 years. When his limiter comes off, it's like I can hear the world hold its breath: his beauty and wild power tell you that what's to come will be memorable.  
  
He's not scary, not to me, anyway. Now, the other two without nicotine, THAT'S scary! The lesser of the two evils would have to be Gojyo. Though he's a good bit heavier than Sanzo, at least he's usually relaxed.  
  
Unless he's fighting with the monkey. I hate when they do that. Really, I do. Either they jump around or they flail madly or they distract my helpful driver, or they get Sanzo so riled up he pulls his gun on them. In my back seat! Hello! If he misses, they'll need a new Jeep! I swear, one of these days *poof*, I'm changing on them and dropping their sorry asses on the "road"!  
  
Sorry about that. Anyway, Gojyo is the third least annoying butt I have to deal with. He's suave and pleasant, with a one-track mind. Well, usually a one-track mind. Sometimes he gets distracted by booze or smokes, but usually it's all about sex. Sex with pretty women, sex with hired assassins who LOOK like pretty women, sex with Hakkai...  
  
That's Gojyo.  
  
And my least favorite ass to haul around on this godforsaken journey has got to be Sanzo's. He's tense. All the time. You can feel it through the seat. I'm always worried that he's going to just snap and shoot me.  
  
And he's always yelling at the two in the back seat like they were his kids. If he'd just lighten up, I'm sure they'd let him play with them sometime, but NOOO! The mighty Genjo Sanzo wouldn't lower himself to monkey games.  
  
I swear, hasn't he figured out that the tree that never bends must one day break?  
  
Maybe it's some kind of karma trip, like he was too laid-back and cheery in another life.  
  
Either that, or he enjoys being uptight and pissy so much he keeps doing it.  
  
Twisted bastard. 


	2. Bed Partners

If I Stop to Think About It by GuiltyRed  
  
Chapter Two – Bed Partners  
  
Once in a great while we get the chance to stay in a town with real beds. Or, one bed and a bunch of mats on the floor. Or one dry room, if we're lucky, and some blankets.  
  
Places like that last one, I usually just rough it and stay outside.  
  
When there's only one bed, I go for it. You never know, with this lot. Usually I end up sharing it, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.  
  
But, on those rare occasions where beds are plentiful, I have a serious choice to make.  
  
Hakkai is pretty good in bed. He's soft in all the right places, and pleasantly firm elsewhere. And he's always humbly grateful.  
  
He's also really considerate, making sure that my needs are met before his own. Very kind man, almost womanly in his affection.  
  
I hate sleeping with Gojyo. He's just too big.  
  
That, and he sprawls. Not like the monkey; Gojyo is all arms and legs and hair when he sleeps.  
  
And talk about "dragon breath"! I swear, that man really saves it up! Stale cigarettes, cheap beer, stuff he wouldn't normally eat but he swiped from Goku just to piss him off – nasty!  
  
Then there was the time he mistook me for an alarm clock... Smacked my head so hard my chin bounced off the nightstand! If he wasn't so dear to Hakkai I would have taken a finger.  
  
Anyway... It was a rude as hell way to wake someone up, that's for damn sure.  
  
I won't even try to sleep with Sanzo. Nobody gets that privilege except his gun.  
  
Not that I don't want to. He looks like I'd have a wonderful night, with that black leather body suit and silk robes, all warm and smooth and soft.  
  
Then again, he probably has kappa breath, too. Damn chain-smoker.  
  
My favorite to sleep with has to be Goku. He's an animal, like me, and we fit together just right.  
  
I like to get up under his shirt and sleep on his belly. It's so warm! He's like a little furnace when he sleeps.  
  
He's a sprawler, but not like Gojyo. He just flops and sleeps where he lands. He cuddles, too.  
  
The only problem with sleeping with Goku is when he's hungry. Then, it's impossible to even be in the same room with him! Between the whining mouth and howling belly, it's awful. I'm not afraid he'd eat me in his sleep, though. He promised he wouldn't ever do that, and I trust him.  
  
Actually, that's not the only problem. There's the gas. But that's fairly rare, thank the Merciful Goddess.  
  
A/N: Thank you to all reviewers, you know who you are. I'm glad you like it. ^__^  
  
Haven't reviewed? Push the little button and do. It won't kill you. ^__^ 


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